Though the weekend was wonderful, it also was a reminder of my first retreat. *sigh* It was great! I was a senior in high school, my sister a sophomore(?). We went with mom, and grandma and the women at our church to Mission Springs. I remember that weekend being a pivotal one in my spiritual walk. I was challenged to make a decision, so I gave God a proposition...really, who am I to give God an ultimatum, but that's what I did. The amazing thing is, He heard my cry and answered me! I was tired of living one way at home and school and another way at church. I decided, that if God did exist, I wanted to hold nothing back and dig deep so that I would not be such a wishy-washy Christian. But, if God did not exist, I wanted nothing to do with this facade!
What happened next...long story short, I went to work at an awesome Christian camp for the summer where for the first time, I was surrounded by young people my age who were living out what they professed to believe. Somewhere along the way God confirmed his existence to me, I knew God was real. I knew He answered prayers, though I still had a bunch of crazy ideas in my head that I didn't understand. God was patient with me and slowly He began the process of helping me to dig my roots deeper so that I would become a woman of God who would not be easily blown over.
After working at the camp, I went to live with my aunt and uncle and their children and Grandma. One Monday night we got a call, mom's gone into a diabetic coma...by Sunday she was with the Lord...It was a strange blur of a week, I finished out that semester at the local Community College... The people I had met at the summer camp and at the Christian club at school and at Church surrounded me with their love, prayers and most importantly, God's word.
The following spring, Grandma and I went back to the same camp on a Women's Retreat...it was really hard to be reminded of her. Everywhere I looked, there were memories from the previous year... At the end of the retreat I tearfully thanked the women of our church for their support during the past six months. I am so thankful they were there for me during that painful time. I can hardly imagine how difficult it must have been for my sister to be away from family and church friends living with our dad and step mom...
Well, last weekend, when I was at our women's retreat, I was reminded of how frustrated I get with my dad, step-mom, and step-dad because they are not like my mom. It opened anew the void that she left. Knowing that she is in the presence of our Lord is very comforting, but still, there are many times when I wish we could sit down for coffee and just chat. It is hard, but the Lord provides many wonderful "family" members at my church who are so caring and thoughtful. Though I may not feel close to some of my biological family, I know that my church family is there for me, to laugh, cry, sing, and dance. The Lord has not abandoned me. God is good, praise the Lord!
Over all it was a great weekend, many tears were shed and the peace that passes all understanding which is in Christ Jesus my Lord was there...just when I needed it!
I love you mom!
Your daughter,
Wendy
